if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
