i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
