Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
