I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
