It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
