He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
