I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My life is pants optional.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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