what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
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