Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
