3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Fuck appropriateness.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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