Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
