ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
