but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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