He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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