You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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