all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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