HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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