I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
