Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
