There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
