chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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