I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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