so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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