Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
