We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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