I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
