Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
