he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
