she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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