So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
