Where is the hickey?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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