so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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