Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
