life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
