I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She told me I should be a condom model.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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