Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
