I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just made my gag reflex go away.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
