I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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