I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
