Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It's just like the Real World with babies
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
