you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
