Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
