she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
