Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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