I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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