Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize