the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
