I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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