things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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