Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I think a kid would responsible me up
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Let's get the cat blown out
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
