Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She's the barista slut.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
