i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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