you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
