It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
