i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
