My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
