yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
