nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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