The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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