I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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