They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
