is your mom at the bar?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
