you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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