Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
thus making me awesome and them whores
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
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