So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
