Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You ruined the universe
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
