Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
