I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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